“How Can I Help You With This?”
I clearly remember the first (and last) time I rescued another scuba diver. It was right after completing a PADI rescue diver certification course.
We were 60 feet down, slowly swimming along and enjoying the riotous colors of corals and fish in the pristine waters of the Caribbean Sea, the world silent except for the sound of our bubbles. Suddenly, my dive buddy grabs me, her eyes wide with panic. I could tell she was about to bolt for the surface which put her life in danger. Every instinct in me said, React! Help her! Get her to the surface!
But reacting is exactly what a rescue diver is taught not to do. If you rush in and react, you risk two people panicking and in danger instead of one. To prevent this, during training, they drill a four-step response into you until it becomes muscle memory:
Stop. Breathe. Think. Act.
Stop — don’t react on impulse
Breathe — clear your head
Think — choose your best response
Act — execute calmly and with purpose
It sounds almost too simple, but underwater those four steps can save lives, and that day it did.
Because of my recent training, I stopped her from bolting to the surface, checked her air, and we slowly ascended together in a safe and controlled manner. Topside, my buddy was taken to the hospital and spent three days in a hyperbaric chamber before returning home in good condition.
From Underwater Panic to Everyday Practice Chaos
A leadership crisis may not happen 60 feet under the surface, but it can feel just as urgent.
Different setting, same desire to react and solve the problem; an upset client at the front desk, the internet going down midmorning, a malfunctioning vitals monitor right before patient induction.
And there you are—caught in the middle of callbacks, a half-finished late breakfast burrito in hand—feeling that same desire to react and swim toward the problem.
That impulse to rescue? It’s the exact thing that keeps most managers and practice owners trapped.
In medicine, quick action can save lives. But in leadership, constant reaction creates dependency. The more you fix, the more everyone waits for you to fix. It’s exhausting. It’s unsustainable. And it’s slowly turning your dream practice into an underwater scramble for air.
The Power of One Simple Question
What if your leadership choices followed the same principles used in rescue diving? When presented with a crisis or even a problem:
Stop. Breathe. Think. Act.
Instead of reacting to a panicked diver, you respond to your crisis with one, powerful question that will change everything. What’s the question?
Here it is, so write this down: “How can I help you with this?” That is it! Seven simple words.
I’ll show you how this works:
You’re at your desk, finishing records while eating a stale sandwich before appointments start again. Your favorite veterinary assistant appears.
VA: “Doc, we have a problem. The flibbertigibbet isn’t working.”
You: “Did you say the flibbertigibbet isn’t working? I’m sorry to hear that.” (Empathy first—always a win.)
You: Pause for three beats, then, with direct eye contact: “How can I help you with this?”
You: Pause again and wait for the response, because what happens next is amazing.
They expected you to jump up and solve the problem or tell them what to do, because that’s what you’ve been doing, because you’ve decided it’s your job to keep things running smoothly and assumed that’s what they want from you.
But when you ask this question instead, they will...
realize they just needed permission to handle it themselves, or
ask for assistance, “Could you show me where the manual is or who to call?”, or
ask them to show you, so you’ll teach instead of fix.
With this question, every outcome puts responsibility back where it belongs—with the person closest to the problem.
Why This Works
This tiny question is a micro-boundary in disguise. It signals, I’m willing to help, but I’m not taking over.
Here’s what it does:
Clarifies the role they want you to play.
Are they asking for approval, advice, encouragement, or direction? Once you know, you can decide if that’s something you need to do.Shifts ownership back to them.
Instead of “Here’s what I’ll do,” it becomes “Here’s what you can do—with my support.”Builds problem-solving muscles.
You move from being the practice’s walking google and fix-it person to being a coach who builds thinkers and problem solvers.Creates calm. Your leadership lies in the three second pause you take between action and response. It’s deceptively simple, but leadership change often is.
Creating and reinforcing a boundary is not always a big, dramatic declaration. It’s the small moments that have impact, and sometimes it’s seven simple words that can turn chaos into clarity.
The Awkward Transition
Warning for new users: the first time you say “How can I help you with this?” your team might stare at you like you have two heads.
Instead of swooping in as the superhero saving the day, you’re calm, curious, and not moving toward the problem. They’ll fidget, looking confused and maybe a little nervous.
That’s okay. Keep breathing.
Change feels weird because it interrupts a habit—yours and theirs. You’ve trained them that you’ll rescue every situation; now you’re teaching them they can rescue it themselves.
You’re not abandoning them; you’re building their confidence. There’s a big difference.
A Crisis Response for Leadership
Just like a diver who learns to stay calm when someone panics in open water, you’re retraining your reflexes on land.
Stop before you jump in.
Breathe to create space instead of reacting.
Think about how to empower instead of continuing dependence.
Act by asking, “How can I help you with this?”
That’s your new rescue protocol for leadership. Your team doesn’t need you to be the hero of every story—they want to be heroes too. That’s how an empowered culture starts—one small boundary at a time.
The Bigger Picture
If you’ve been following this series, you’ve already done some heavy lifting:
In “Stop Drowning in Your Own Practice: How Empowering Your Team Actually Sets You Free,” you saw why letting go builds stronger teams.
In “No, it’s not Them. It’s You: How Your Lack of Boundaries Is Burning You Out,” you learned that protecting your time protects everyone’s sanity.
And now, you have a specific behavior that brings both to life.
Every “How can I help you with this?” is a moment of empowerment in motion. It says: I trust you. I believe you can handle this. I’m here if you truly need me—but I won’t rob you of the chance to grow.
That’s leadership. Not control. Not chaos.
Ready to Breathe Again?
The next time someone rushes in with a “quick question,” remember your rescue diver training.
Stop. Breathe. Think. Ask. It takes practice, but each time you do, you pull yourself—and your team—a lot closer to the surface.
If you want to keep building everyday boundaries that reclaim your time and energy, download my Boundary-Setting Workbook. It walks you step-by-step through creating communication systems, decision frameworks, and scripts that make leadership lighter and more sustainable.
You can do this.
Now go take your time back.
