The Trust Gap: What Your Team Isn't Telling You (And Why It Matters)

I can still picture the moment, one of many:

A Wednesday afternoon team meeting with my staff sitting in a ring of chairs around the office. I’m sitting behind my desk, leading the meeting, and doing most of the talking. I'd go through what was going on, what we needed to work on, and what I needed (or expected) from them. And then I would ask them, "What do you all think?" which is when the room would get quiet.

An awkward, slightly tense kind of quiet where everyone was looking at the floor or each other or anywhere but at me. It would take a long time before someone finally said something. And even then, it was usually surface-level and safe.

I didn't understand it at the time. I thought I was being open. I thought I was asking for help. What I didn't realize was that asking for their perspective isn't the same as earning the right to hear the answer.

That realization of what was happening took time, but eventually I understood that my team knew things I didn't and weren’t sharing because I hadn't built the kind of trust that made them feel safe to do so.

First, the reality about trust in the workplace...

My problem was not a unique one. Trust is hard to come by and the data backs this up.

According to Gallup's State of the Global Workplace 2024 report, managers account for 70% of the variance in employee engagement — and only one in three employees strongly agrees that they trust the leadership of their organization.

In veterinary practices, where teams are small and the pace is relentless, that silence can be costly. The bottom line is that the gap between what your team is thinking and what they're saying is likely bigger than you know.

What's really going on?

Here's what I went through and often see with newer leaders: they believe things are generally fine because nothing has blown up. As in, nobody has quit or is openly complaining and the days are successful. From the outside, it looks like everyone is aligned.

And yet something is off. Team meetings are heavily one-sided. The team isn’t bringing problems forward until they've already gotten bigger. Decisions run through the owner because the team has learned it's easier to just wait and ask. 

And occasionally, a curveball comes out of nowhere and hits the owner on the side of the head: a surprise resignation, a team conflict that's been brewing for months, or a frustration you never knew existed. When that happens, leaders often wonder: why didn't anyone say something?

But here's the reality: your team is talking. Just not to you.

They're talking to each other. They have opinions, observations, and real concerns. They're just not bringing them to you — not because they don't care, but because they don't trust that speaking up will make a difference, or that you’re interested in their perspective. 

Research puts a name to what’s happening beneath the surface. Studies of healthcare teams published in Human Resource Management and Frontiers in Psychology found the same thing: what determines whether employees speak up and stay engaged isn’t just how they feel about their job. It’s whether they feel like an insider or an outsider in their own workplace. 

That perception is shaped by how their immediate manager shows up and whether they communicate with integrity, follow through on commitments, and genuinely invite input. When employees experience that kind of trust, they engage fully, including physically, emotionally, and cognitively. When they don’t, they do what outsiders do. They observe and stay quiet instead.

That kind of trust isn't built from an open-door policy or a standing invitation to "come to me with anything." It's built in hundreds of small moments where your is observing you and thinking: Can I trust this person? Do they have my back? Will they actually hear me, or will sharing my opinion have a cost?

Those small moments happen in many ways, such as how you respond when someone brings you bad news or makes a mistake, or how you react when you get pushback, and if you follow through on what you said you'd do. And mostly when your team feels seen as humans or just “an employee.”

And if the answer your team keeps landing on is I'm not sure, they'll protect themselves by keeping the important things you should know inside. They stay quiet.

The two kinds of blind spots this creates

This culture tends to play out in two distinct ways.

The first is what I call the slow fade: the team becomes more passive things and less engaged, and the owner becomes the bottleneck for decisions and processes without quite knowing how it happened. Nothing dramatic occurs, but managing the practice becomes harder because the leader is carrying more than they should be, and the team is not stepping in and stepping up to help solve problems.

The second is the sudden blindside: everything appears stable and then something dramatic happens, such as a surprise resignation or a team conflict surfaces. It becomes clear that the team knew something the owner didn't, sometimes for a long time.

Both of these are trust problems and both can be solved. But only if you're willing to look honestly at your leadership habits and whether you've built the conditions for your team to tell you the truth.

There is a better way

The most effective people leaders I know have learned to close the trust gap intentionally through consistent, small acts of genuine connection. Here's what that looks like in practice:

1. Start with regular one-on-ones

Not a performance check-in. Not a task update. A conversation. Thirty minutes, every few months at minimum, where you ask: How are you doing at home and at work? What do you need from me? What do you think is going on around here? What do you think should be done? These questions show that you see this person as an individual, not just a role. And that matters more than most leaders realize.

The first few times you do this, it may feel awkward because your team may not know what to do with the question. That's okay. Do it anyway. You’ll get used to it as it becomes a new habit. In those early conversations you're demonstrating that it's safe to answer honestly. Over time, as your team sees that you listen without judgment and act on what they share, those conversations will become the foundation that trust is built on.

2. Prove that giving feedback is safe

The fastest way to shut down upward communication is to react defensively when someone tells you something you didn't want to hear. What is reacting defensively? A dismissive response, a visible change in your mood, or a justification or explanation of why you did what you did. Even when your explanation is completely valid, it’s a deflection or defense.

Your team notices all of it and those small moments will accumulate into a collective decision to stay quiet.

The alternative - and better - response is to thank them and then go do something about it. When a team member brings you a concern, a response as straightforward as "Thank you for the feedback — I'll take it into consideration" does more than you realize. It signals that speaking up was the right call and they were heard.

When you disagree, you can say so respectfully with a thoughtful “yes, I hear you, and” rather than shutting it down with a poorly placed “but.” Your team doesn't need you to agree with everything they say. They don't expect to always get their way. They need to know that their opinion was heard, that their voice mattered, and that it was worth the risk to share it.

3. Make the invisible visible

One of the most trust-building things a leader can do is acknowledge what's happening in the room, even when it's uncomfortable. If your meetings are quiet, acknowledge it with curiosity. If you've noticed someone seems distracted or stressed, name it. 

Many leaders avoid this communicating tactic because it feels risky. 80% of communication is nonverbal, so your team interprets you ignoring these signals as either obliviousness or indifference, and neither one builds trust. When you bravely acknowledge the awkward moments, you show that you're paying attention and that you care enough to say something.

The key is how you call it out. Instead of coming right at them with a direct charge, gentle, curious language will make all the difference. Try something like: "I've noticed things have been quieter than usual in our meetings lately — is there something on your mind?" Or in a one-on-one: "I noticed you've seemed a little distracted in our last couple of meetings — I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing." Always start statements with “I” instead of '“you” to reduce defensiveness.

With this approach, your questions are not an accusation but an exploration. You're simply making space to discuss the “elephant in the room,” in other words, what's not being said that should be said. This is when you are making the invisible visible.

Most of the time, your team already knows what you're noticing. The fact that you said it out loud with care and curiosity is what makes them feel safe enough to meet you there.

4. Choose curiosity first

On that note, if there is one critical leadership habit that separates good leaders who build trust from those who don't, it's this: curiosity.

Here is an example. When a team member comes to you with a problem, your instinct is to solve it for them, to fix the problem. You're experienced, you're efficient, you likely know the answer, and you want to be helpful (or control the situation).

But the moment you jump straight to your solution, you've sent a message you didn’t intend - that their thinking or their knowledge doesn't matter as much as yours. That dynamic teaches your team to stop bringing you their ideas and start waiting for your instructions. Which is exactly what creates the bottleneck most practice owners would rather escape, but don’t know how.

The how - the antidote - is curiosity. Before you offer your perspective or share your own story, get genuinely interested in theirs. "What do you think is going on?" or "What have you already tried?" or simply "What would you do if I weren't here?" or, my favorite, “How can I help you with this?”

These questions do two things at once: they build your team member's confidence and judgment, and they signal that you value their perspective before forming your own. Being curious is a habit to form. It's choosing to be interested before being powerful. When your team experiences that from you consistently, they stop filtering what they bring to you. And that's when the really good conversations start happening.

5. Show up consistently

Trust isn't built in a single conversation or moment. It's built in the hundreds and thousands of moments where your team experiences you as someone who meant what they said and followed through. When you say you'll look into something, look into it. When you commit to a one-on-one, don't cancel it three times in a row. When you ask for input, acknowledge and follow up on it.

This is what closing the loop actually looks like in practice. If you asked for input last month, tell your team what you did with it. If you made a decision they weighed in on, circle back and share your decision. Something as simple as "I heard what you shared with me, and here's what I decided and why" tells your team that their voice led somewhere — that the conversation didn't disappear into the void. 

You don't have to have all the answers, and you don’t have to be perfect and get it right every time. Just do your best to show up the same way consistently, and much more often than not, until your team stops wondering whether they can trust you and starts knowing that they can.

When Your Team Finally Speaks Up

When you start closing that trust gap, your practice will transform in ways that go beyond your expectations. Your team will bring problems to you before they become crises. They will make more decisions independently, because they understand what you value and trust themselves to act on it. Your meetings will become actual conversations and collaborations. Your culture will stop depending on you to hold it together all the time.

I know this because I lived it.

Over time, as I slowly learned to build these skills myself, the culture changed. My team started to open up and contribute— slowly at first and then all at once. Team meetings, which had once felt like pulling teeth, became moments we all looked forward to. 

We tackled problems together and came up with better solutions than I ever could have on my own. Solutions that everyone was bought into because everyone had a voice in building them. My leadership felt easier because I wasn't carrying it all alone anymore. The practice grew because every person on that team played an important part in something bigger than their individual role.

That's what's waiting for you on the other side of this work. And it’s not that hard to do, but it does take a willingness to reflect on your leadership habits, ask for feedback, and start making small and intentional changes in how you show up. One step at a time.

If you're reading this and recognizing yourself and your practice in these pages — the quiet meetings, the problems that surface too late, the sense that you're carrying more than you should be — I want you to know that you don't have to figure this out alone or all at once.

Pick one habit, such as curiosity. Make the invisible visible in your next one-on-one or quiet team meeting. Just say thank you the next time someone brings you a problem or feedback that's hard to hear.

The steps are simple. The consistency is what makes them powerful. And the impact — on your team, your practice, and on you as a leader — is so worth it.

It starts with a choice and one conversation. Make it count.

Ready to understand where the trust gaps are in your practice?

Grab my "Reality Bites" workbook — practical tools to assess your leadership environment and start building the conditions your team needs to actually talk to you.

👋 Or book a free discovery call to talk through what you're seeing in your practice. Rebuilding trust will happen faster when you have expertise and guidance in your corner. We’ll have a real talk about what's getting in the way — and what's possible on the other side of it.

This is your practice. Let's make sure it feels like yours.